I read the news and say I’m educating myself! But going on Twitter makes me panicky for all the things I am not writing about. I am trying to strip away all the ‘should’ and listen to the things I really care about doing because there is so much time right now, and an infinite ways to fill it. Mindless job searching = bad; exercising = good. Eating all the cheese in the fridge = bad; how about some tea? = good. Watching TV = bad, even though I want to; returning emails = good, even though there’s that moment right before you hit reply when it seems futile and like a totally bad idea.
I watched a video yesterday about understanding procrastination and it comes down to an understanding of short term and long term rewards in your brain. Surfing the Internet gives you many short term (and ultimately meaningless) rewards, while categorically combing the Internet to find an interesting job and then applying to it gives you one, more satisfying reward much farther in the future. There is that classic experiment wherein most people would rather receive $100 right now than wait a month for $110, and I’ve always thought I could (fiscally) ace it – of course you hold out for more money. But things that are harder to know for sure, like which of things will actually make me happier, certainly make that duality harder to parse.